I have incredibly ugly feet. A teenage soccer accident has left the big toe on my right foot bent at an angle, popped out of the socket, forming a large bunion. More than one person has confided in me that they thought, perhaps, I was sprouting a sixth toe. My other foot is undamaged, but that doesn't stop people from asking me how I also managed to bugger up that foot. Adding insult to injury, I picked up a terrible cluster of warts the size of a dime on the right side of my right foot. Usually too ashamed to expose my feet to the sun, they now glisten like bony white maggots.

The bunion I could deal with, but just thinking about my warty cluster still causes me to wince. For more than a year I diligently kept them bandaged for fear of transmitting them. For months I tried burning them chemically and freezing them with liquid nitrogen and taping them up with duct tape until I literally couldn't take it anymore. Nothing worked.

This brings me to the happier part of my story. In desperation I finally went onto the internet and looked up alternative wart remedies. I ran across a page of people espousing the virtues of Apple Cider Vinegar. It works like magic! A good soaking and a few doused cottons swabs later, the warts turned black, I scraped them off, I repeated it a couple times. Miraculously, my foot is now disease free!

Ha ha! You read that. That's REAL LIFE. REAL LIFE! HA!